this is the only race worth running

It's been over a week being here in Kona. 8 days actually. It feels like I've been here for months because God has moved our relationship to an increasing level of intimacy. Every day I grow closer to Him and want to know Him deeper and deeper. I cannot begin to describe what He has done in my life.

This being said, God has been really working hard on my heart because I have been feeling very discouraged and worn down and isolated by the devil.

So...apparently Michigan is just out of the loop with triathlons or something. Because there's this thing, and it's kinda a big deal. It's called IronMan. It's a triathlon...but the athletes swim 2.4 miles, bike 112 miles, and run a marathon...which is 26.2 miles (in case you are like me and didn't know). So yeah, that's a bit intense. Okay...so really intense.
The University was asked to volunteer to be Security for the competition. This required me to get up at 3am this morning so I could be downtown by 4am till 10am. It was super fun watching the athletes jump into the water, swim out into the distance, wait about an hour, and see them crawl out of the water and run to their bikes. I wasn't able to see the transition from bike to running, but what I did see of the race was super incredible. The passion and desire of the athletes was so intense. There was nothing that could distract them from the task at hand. I loved watching the bikers fly past, still putting on their shoes. They were just committed to the race and going as fast as they could. They didn't even have time to put their shoes.
I kinda wish I would have gone down to see the end of the race. I ended up taking a nap. Waking up at 3am kinda wears me out.

After I finished working, I did come back and take a nap. But something happened first. I felt this deep sense of rejection and isolation. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to go home. I didn't know why or what I would do if I did go home. It was this feeling of oppression- that no one wanted me to be here, that I was worthless, that there was no point in me being here.
I struggled against these feelings, knowing that they were not from God, yet not willing to rebuke the lies from the devil. It was this conflict within my soul. I went to the Prayer Room here at school and just cried out to God, telling Him what was going on inside of me. I laid it all out before the God who loves me, protects me, cares for me, wants me, desires me, adores me. I broke myself down.
I cried out to God, telling Him I wanted to go home. And He told me I was home. Whenever I'm with Him, I am where I am supposed to be; I am home. He reminded me of His everlasting love and passion for me.

And then I took my nap.

Fours hours later I got up and decided to go for a run. Watching all these crazy athletes this morning kinda motivates you...or makes you realize that you're really lazy. I stretched for a bit and then took off. I ran up a slow slopping hill and rounded the corner, running further than I had run in this direction before. I saw a metal guard rail and made that my finish point before I turned around and ran back to school. I reached the rail and decided to keep walking up the hill a bit more.
Every step along my run I just kept singing in my head and worshiping Jesus. I praised Him. But when I stopped running, I began to talk to my Lord out loud. I began to yell to Him, telling Him that I wanted to follow Him wherever He decided to lead me, that I belonged to Him and that I would trust Him to guide my life. I reached the top of the hill feeling so broken and yet healed at the same time, just simply feeling loved and accepted by my Saviour.
When I reached the top, I saw that a bit down the other side of the hill was a little portable out-house thingy...and I kinda had to go to the bathroom. I walked there and walked back up the hill. I began to sing out loud,
"Hungry I come to you for I know you satisfy. I am empty, but I know you're love does not run dry. So I wait for you. So I wait for you. I'm falling on my knees. Offering all of me. Jesus, you're all this heart is living for. Broken I run to you for your arms are open wide. I am weary, but I know your touch restores my life. So I wait for you. So I wait for you. I'm falling on my knees. Offering all of me. Jesus, you're all this heart is living for."
As I ran, I felt broken and weary, physically drained from the run and the heat. Tired. But then as I ran, something crazy happened. I was sweating like crazy and prolly looked nasty. But for some reason as I ran, this truck-full of guys drove past me on the other side of the road. And being silly boys, they honked and waved and laughed at me. I just kinda laughed inside and shook my head a bit.
And then I realized what God was trying to show me.

I'm weary, and I'm broken. I can't do this on my own. I need Jesus. I'm running this race of life that God has called us all to. Over and over in the New Testament, Paul uses the illustration of running a race. I know I had been running, and I knew that God was running with me. But I hadn't realized that I was tired. The running of the race had begin to wear me out.
And the devil was using this to his advantage. If he could get me to think that I wasn't good enough- that I wasn't running the race as well as I should have been- then he could get me to drop out, to stop running at all. The oppression I had felt all day was because I was tired and broken and weary. Running was hard.
Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." <NIV> "Do you see what this means- all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running- and never quit. No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins." <the Message>
I was tired in this race of life, but that doesn't matter. Although I feel like crap and look awful out there running, there is a great cloud of witnesses and pioneers who are cheering me on. It doesn't matter how well I feel like I'm running or struggling; I'm being cheered on and so I'd better run.
Hebrews 12:2-3 "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful me, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." <NIV> "Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how He did it. Because He never lost sight of where He was heading- that exhilarating finish in and with God- He could put up with anything along the way. Cross, shame, whatever. And now He's there, in the pace of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostitiy He plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls." <the Message>
Focus on Jesus. The race is hard and long. But He did it first. He showed us the way to run, the direction to run, how to run, and how to not grow weary.

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will five you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden in light." <NIV>

I finished my run, taking a lot longer than I expected it to be. I was so tired. I was thirsty and couldn't watch my breath very well.
"I am the Living Water." "I am the Breath of Life."
Jesus is all that I need.

Colossians 3:1-2 "So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ- that's where the action is. See things from His perspective." <the Message>
2 Timothy 2:22 "Run away from infantile indulgence. Run after mature righteousness- faith, love, peace- joining those who are in honest and serious prayer before God." <the Message>
2 Timothy 4:7 "This is the only race worth running. I've run hard right to finished, believed all the way. All that's left now is the shouting- God's applause! Depend on it, He's an honest judge. He'll do right not only by me, but by everyone eager for His coming." <the Message>